The Five Stages of Drinking!

      LEVEL 1:
      It's 11:00 on a weeknight, you've  had a few beers. You
      get up to leave because you have work the next day and one of your 
      friends buys another round. One of your UNEMPLOYED friends.  Here
      at level one you think to yourself, "Oh come on, this is silly, why 
      as long as I get seven hours of sleep (snap fingers), I'm cool.".
 
      LEVEL 2:
      It's midnight. You've had a few more beers. You've just spent 20
      minutes arguing against artificial turf. You get up to leave again, 
      but at level two, a little devil appears on your shoulder. And now 
      you're thinking, "Hey! I'm out with my friends! What am I working
      for anyway? These are the good times! Besides, as long as I get 
      five hours sleep (snaps fingers) I'm cool.".
 
      LEVEL 3:
      One in the morning. You've abandoned beer for tequila.  You've just 
      spent 20 minutes arguing FOR artificial turf.  And now you're
      thinking, "Our waitress is the most beautiful woman I've ever 
      seen!" At level three, you love the world. On the way to the
      bathroom you buy a drink for the stranger at the end of the bar 
      just because you like his face.  You get drinking fantasies.
      (like,"Hey fellas, if we bought our own bar, we could live together 
      forever. We could do it. Tommy, you could cook.")  But at level
      three, that devil is a little bit bigger....and he's buying.  And 
      you're thinking "Oh, come on, come on now. As long as I get three 
      hours sleep...and a complete change of blood (snaps fingers), I'm 
      cool.".
 
      LEVEL 4:
      Two in the morning. And the devil is bartending.  For last call, 
      you ordered a bottle of rum and a Coke. You ARE artificial turf! 
      This time on your way to the bathroom, you punch the stranger at 
      the end of the bar just because you don't like his face! And now 
      you're thinking, "Our busboy is the best looking man I've ever
      seen."  You and your friends decide to leave, right after you get 
      thrown out, and one of you knows an ...after hours bar.  And here, 
      at level four, you actually think to yourself, "Well....as long as 
      I'm only going to get a few hours sleep anyway, I may as
      well....STAY UP ALL NIGHT!!!!
      Yeah! That'd be good for me. I don't mind going to that board
      meeting looking like Keith Richards. Yeah, I'll turn that around, 
      make it work for me. And besides, as long as I get 31 hours sleep 
      tomorrow ...................cool.
 
      LEVEL 5:
      Five in the morning. After unsuccessfully trying to get your money 
      back at the tattoo parlor ("But I don't even know anybody named
      Ruby!!!"), you and your friends wind up across the state line in a 
      bar with guys who have been in prison as recently as...that
      morning. It's the kind of place where even the devil is going, "Uh, 
      I gotta turn in. I gotta be in Hell- at nine.  I've got that brunch 
      with Hitler, I can't miss that."  At this point, you're all
      drinking some kind of thick blue liquor, like something from a
      Klingon wedding.  A waitress with fresh stitches comes over, and 
      you think to yourself, "Someday I'm gonna marry that girl!!"  One 
      of your friends stands up and screams, "WE'RE DRIVIN' TO
      FLORIDA!!!!!"- and passes out.  You crawl outside for air , and 
      then you hit the worst part of level five- the sun.  You weren't 
      expecting that were you? You never do.  You walk out of a bar in
      daylight, and you see people on their way to work, or jogging.  And 
      they look at you-and they know. And they say..."Who's Ruby?" Let's 
      be honest, if you're 19 and you stay up all night, it's like a
      victory, like you've beat the night, but if you're over 30, then 
      that sun is like God's flashlight.  We all say the same prayer
      then, "I swear, I will never do this again (how long?) as long as I 
      live!" And some of us have that little addition, "and this time, I 
      mean it!"

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