Things We Will Never See On Star Trek

   1.A redshirt sneaks down a deserted corridor, turns a corner, and
     suddenly has a surprise birthday party.
   2.A redshirt manages to avoid the thrown knife, phaser shot, arrow, or
     whatever. 
   3.McCoy says, "On second thought, maybe I'm a carpenter and NOT a doctor
     after all." 
   4.Kirk meets a woman whom he's known for years but never had sex with. 
   5.An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface with
     the Enterprise's computer, only to find it has forgotten to bring the right
     leads. 
   6.Sulu and Chekov get to do something interesting. 
   7.Kirk says, "Uhura, I'm frightened." 
   8.Kirk gets Court-martialed for violating the Prime Directive. 
   9.A Klingon says to a companion, "Hey, I like you." 
  10.Harry Mudd manages to turn a healthy profit selling something legal. 
  11.An android race turns out to be completely friendly and not threatening
     or menacing in any way. 
  12.Some patient of McCoy's who's NOT a central character lives. 
  13.The crew of the Enterprise disperse, Sulu gets his own ship, and nobody
     suffers major emotional trauma. 
  14.A major character dies and isn't resurrected. 
  15.The mysterious a giant threatening object is on a direct course for
     some world other than Earth. 
  16.McCoy says, "He'll live, Jim." 
  17.The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp experience which is
     in some way unconnected to the late 20th century. 
  18.Riker manages to avoid seeming like a William Shatner clone. 
  19.Somebody says, "You know, the Enterprise-D looks really stupid! What is
     it, a `Close Encounters' reject???" 
  20.The captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced
     people which is made a great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime Directive. 
  21.Some of the crew visits the holodeck and it works properly. 
  22.Artificial intelligence and android technology make human exploration
     of the galaxy obsolete. 
  23.The deflector shields hold through the duration of the battle. 
  24.The Enterprise runs into a energy field of a type it has encountered
     several times before. 
  25.A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but
     fortunately some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to
     everyone's satisfaction. 
  26.A power surge on the bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a
     faulty capacitor by the highly trained and competent engineering staff. 
  27.The crew of the Enterprise is afflicted by a mysterious plague, for
     which the only cure can be found in the well-stocked enterpise sick bay. 
  28.The crew of the Enterprise discovers a totally new lifeform, which
     later turns out to be a rather well-known old life-form wearing a funny hat. 
  29.The Enterprise goes to visit a remote outpost of scientists, who are
     all perfectly alright. 
  30.Picard ignores Troi and blows the enemy out of the sky, in spite of
     their "distressed" feelings. 
  31.Data figures out that being a robot is good. 
  32.Nobody uses the holodeck for a week. 
  33.The Enterprise encounters nothing analogous to human society in its
     barbaric days. 
  34.The crew ejects the ship tailor, gets someone who makes jackets long
     enough. 
  35.Dr. Crusher uses the wrong skin replacing magic-ray gun. LaForge is white. 
  36.Someone gets drunk and pees all over himself in 10 Forward. 
  37.Troi is able to explain her accent. 
  38.Picard explains his accent. 
  39.The crew finds a reason for not letting the computer do everything. 
  40.The gravity generator goes out and the crew floats around the bridge. 
  41.Troi makes a funny face when Geordi explains that the enterprise's
     source of drinking water is recycled human waste. 
  42.The crew beams down to a planet that requires them to wear space suits
     or that has a gravity so strong it prevents them from moving around. 
  43.An information exchange with a vastly superior race directly leads to
     new technology and an improvement in the quality of life in follow-on episodes. 
  44.An unexpected failure in the transporter makes 17 identical copies of
     Picard. They all get along fine. 
  45.An entire year goes by without the enterprise encountering any
     relatives (daughter, sister, etc) of Tasha Yar. 
  46.A group of nearby spaceships are not all oriented exacly like each
     other, in an upwards position. 
  47.Riker loses weight from the previous year's episodes. 
  48.A Star Fleet admiral gives Picard orders that present no moral dilema
     for him and that he is glad to go along with. 
  49.A crewman getting addicted to living out violent and or sexual
     fantasies on the holodeck and having to be forceably removed. 
  50.A conference on some planet that doesn't involve running through kidnap
     attempts and dodging time warps to go to/from. 
  51.Any member of the crew who isn't part of the bridge crew or happens to
     be in a room or walking through a corridor when a member of the bridge crew
     is there. 
  52.Anyone who works for a living. 
  53.Any horribly disfiguring disease or accident that can not be instantly
     and completely recovered from. 
  54.A space battle where the two ships don't happen to occupy the same shot. 
  55.Anyone yawning, stretching, scratching, picking their nose, going to
     the bathroom, taking a bath, adjusting their underwear, burping or
     otherwise. All of these things, like the need for money, have been
     eliminated in the future. 

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