 | Horn broken. Watch for finger.
| Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
| All generalizations are false.
| Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
| I brake for no apparent reason.
| Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.
| I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
| Forget about World Peace...Visualize using your turn signal.
| We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
| He who laughs last thinks slowest.
| Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
| It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
| Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
| Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
| Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
| I love cats...they taste just like chicken.
| Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
| Forget the Joneses, I keep us up with the Simpsons.
| Born free...Taxed to death.
| The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
| Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
| Rehab is for quitters.
| I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
| Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep.
| All men are idiots, and I married their King.
| Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
| Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
| Montana -- At least our cows are sane!
| I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
| Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
| If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
| When you do a good deed, get a receipt--in case heaven is like the IRS..
| Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
| No radio - Already stolen.
| Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
| Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.
| I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
| Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
| OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
| Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.
| I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
| Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
| Tell me to 'stuff it' - I'm a taxidermist.
| IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
| Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.
| It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
| According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
| Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
| Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
| A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
| Reality? Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from?
| How can I miss you if you won't go away?
| Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
| Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
| We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
| Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
| Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
| Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
| Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
| Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
| Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
| i souport publik edekashun.
| Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
| Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
| There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
| Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
| Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
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