Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work

  That gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bifocals

  You feel like the night before, but you haven't gone anywhere

  Every name in your little black book is followed by 'M.D.'

  You get winded playing chess

  You join a health club and never go

  You decide to procrastinate, but never get around to it

  Your mind makes contracts that your body can't meet

  A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge

  You finally know all the answers, but nobody will ask the questions

  You look forward to a dull evening

  You walk with your head held high - you're trying to get used to your bifocals

  Your favorite part of the newspaper is '25 Years Ago Today'

  You turn out the light for economical rather than romantic reasons

  You sit in a rocking chair, but can't get it going

  Your knees buckle, but your belt won't

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