APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

 NOTE:This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
 accompanied  by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,
 and current medical report from your doctor.

 NAME______________________________________
 DATE OF BIRTH_____________
 HEIGHT____________  WEIGHT_____________  IQ__________ GPA_____________
 SOCIAL SECURITY #____________________
 DRIVERS LICENSE#________________
 BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES_____________________________________________
 HOME ADDRESS__________________________  CITY/STATE___________ ZIP_____

 Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent?__________
 If NO, explain_________________________________________________________

 Number of years parents married________
 If less than your age,
 Explain__________________________________________

 Do you own a van?_____
 A truck with oversized tires?_____
 A waterbed?_______
 A pickup with a mattress in the back?______
 A condom?______
 Pornography?_______

 Do you have an earring, a nose ring, or a belly button ring?________
                                                      A tattoo?_____

 (IF YES TO THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES)

 In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to
 you?_____________________________________________________________
 _________________________________________________________ _____
 _________________________________________________________ _____


 In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to
 you?__________________________________________________________
    __________________________________________________________
    __________________________________________________________

 In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to
 you?_______________________________________________
    __________________________________________________________
    __________________________________________________________

 Church you attend_________________________________
 How often you attend__________________________

 When would be the best time to interview your:

 Father ______
 Mother ______
 Priest ______

 Answer by filling in the blank.  Please answer freely, all answers are
 confidential. (that means I won't tell anyone EVER)

 A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would
 be__________________

 B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is
 my__________________

 C: A woman's place is in
 the__________________________________________________

 D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about
 is_____________

 E: When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first
 is____________

 NOTE: if answer to 'E' begins with T or A, discontinue.  Leaving
 premises, keeping  your head low, and running in a serpentine fashion is
 advised.

 What do you want to do IF you grow up?

 _________________________________________

 What is the current going rate of a hotel
 room?
 ______________________________

 Condoms come in packages of:

 A: 3
 B: 6
 C: 9
 D: 12
 E: ALL OF THE ABOVE (circle one)

 I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE
 BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE
 AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER
 TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

 _______________________________________
 Signature (that means sign your name moron)

 Thank you for your interest.  Please allow four to six years for
 processing.

 You will be contacted in writing if you are approved.  Please do not
 try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you
 injury).

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