_YOU'VE EVER USED LARD IN BED.

-YOU'VE EVER SPRAYPAINTED YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S NAME ON AN OVERPASS.

-THE HIGHLIGHT OF YOUR FAMILY REUNION WAS YOUR SISTER'S NUDE DANCING DEBUT.

-YOU'VE EVER DONE YOUR SHOPPING AT A TRUCK STOP.

-YOU THINK HEAVEN LOOKS A LOT LIKE DAYTONA BEACH, FLORIDA.

-YOU CONSIDER A SIX PACK OF BEER AND A BUG ZAPPER QUALITY ENTERTAINMENT.

-YOUR LIFETIME GOAL IS TO OWN YOUR OWN FIREWORKS STAND.

-YOU PREFER TO WALK THE EXCESS LENGTH OFF YOUR JEANS RATHER THAN HEM THEM.

-YOU GO TO A STOCK CAR RACE AND DON'T NEED A PROGRAM.

-SOMEONE ASKS TO SEE YOUR I.D. AND YOU SHOW THEM YOUR BELT BUCKLE.

-YOUR JUNIOR PROM HAD A DAYCARE CENTER.

-YOU GROW YOUR SIDEBURNS LONGER AND FULLER 'CAUSE IT LOOKS SO GOOD ON YOUR SISTER.

-YOUR MOTHER DOES NOT REMOVE THE MARLBORO FROM HER LIPS WHEN SHE TELLS THE STATE PATROLMAN TO KISS HER ASS.

-YOUR MOUNTED DEER HEAD SPORTS A BASEBALL CAP AND SUNGLASSES.

-DIRECTIONS TO YOUR HOUSE INCLUDE "TURN OFF PAVED ROAD."

-THE U.F.O. HOTLINE LIMITS YOU TO ONE CALL PER DAY.

-YOU KNOW HOW MANY BALES OF HAY YOUR CAR CAN HOLD.

-YOU'VE EVER USED A WEED WHACKER INDOORS.

-YOU HONEST -TO-GOD THINK WOMEN ARE TURNED ON BY ANIMAL NOISES AND SEDUCTIVE TONGUE GESTURES.

-YOUR DOG AND WALLET ARE BOTH ON A CHAIN.

-THE KIDS ARE GOING HUNGRY TONIGHT 'CAUSE YOU JUST HAD TO HAVE THE YOSEMITE SAM MUD FLAPS.

-YOU'VE EVER BEEN KICKED OUT OF THE KKK FOR BEING A "BIGOT".

-YOU USE YOUR MAILBOX TO HOLD UP ONE END OF YOU RCLOTHESLINE.

-DURING YOUR WEEDING, WHEN YOU KISSED THE BRIDE, YOUR JOHN DEERE HAT FELL OFF.

-YOU'VE EVER LOST A TOOTH OPENING A BEER BOTTLE.

-HAIL HITS YOUR HOUSE AND YOU HAVE TO TAKE TO THE BODY SHOP FOR AN ESTIMATE.

-YOU HAVE A TATTOO THAT SAYS MOTHER-AND IT'S SPELLED WRONG.

-YOUR FAMILY TREE DOES NOT FORK.

-YOUR WIFE'S HAIRDO HAS EVER BEEN RUINED BY A CEILING FAN.

-YOU SEE NO NEED TO STOP AT REST STOPS 'CAUSE YOU HAVE AN EMPTY MILK JUG IN THE CAR.

-YOU HAD A TOOTHPICK IN YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOUR WEDDING PICTURES WERE TAKEN.

-YOU HAVE A RAG FOR A GAS CAP.

-YOU THINK GOD LOOKS A LOT LIKE HANK WILLIAMS JR.

-THE DOG CAN'T WATCH YOU EAT WITHOUT GAGGING.

-YOU HAVE TO DRESS UP THE KIDS TO GO TO K-MART.

-YOU HAVE A HEFTY BAG FOR A PASSENGER-SIDE WINDOW.

-YOUR MOTHER HAS EVER BEEN INVOLVED IN A FISTFIGHT AT A HIGH SCHOOL SPORTS EVENT.

-YOUR WATCHBAND IS WIDER TAHN ANY BOOK YOU'VE EVER READ.

-YOU'VE EVER HAD TO TURN YOUR PICK-UP TRUCK AROUND BECAUSE OF BRIDGE CLEARANCE RESTRICTIONS.

-THE NEIGHBORS STARTED A PETITION OVER YOUR CHRISTMAS LIGHTS.

-YOU'VE EVER RIDDEN ALL THE WAY TO FLORIDA WITH YOUR BARE FEET HANGING OUT THE CAR WINDOW.

-YOU'VE EVER HIT ON SOMEONE IN V.D. CLINIC

-YOU VIEW DUCT TAPE AS A LONG-TERM INVESTMENT.

-YOUR BROTHER-IN-LAW IS ALSO YOUR UNCLE.

-YOU HAVE REFUSED TO WATCH THE ACADEMY AWARDS SINCE "SMOKEY & THE BANDIT" WAS SNUBBED FOR BEST PICTURE.

-YOU'VE HIT A BUMP ON A HIGHWAY & LOST HALF OF YOUR WORLDLY POSSESSIONS.

-YOU VIEW FAMILY REUNIONS AS AN OPPORTUNITY TO PICK UP WOMEN.

-YOU'VE EVER HIT A JUKEBOX WITH A CUE STICK.

-YOU BOUGHT A VCR CAUSE WRESTLING IS ON WHILE YOUR AT WORK.

-YOUR DAD WALKS YOU TO SCHOOL CUZ YOU'RE IN THE SAME GRADE.

-YOU'VE EVER STOLEN A BULLDOZER.

-AFTER THE PROM YOU DROVE THE TRUCK WHILE YOUR DATE HIT ROAD SIGNS WITH BEER BOTTLES.

-YOU CUT TOENAILS IN FRONT OF COMPANY.

-YOU'VE EVER BEEN TOO DRUNK TO FISH.

-YOU PROMINENTLY DISPLAY A GIFT YOU BOUGHT AT GRACELAND.

-YOUR FRONT PORCH COLLAPSES AND KILLS MORE THAN THREE DOGS.

-THE FRONT LICENSE PLATE ON YOUR CAR HAS THE WORDS "FOXY LADY" WRITTEN IN AIRBRUSH.

-YOU WONDER HOW SERVICE STAIONS KEEP THEIR RESTROOMS SO CLEAN.

-YOU CAN SPIT WITHOUT OPENING YOUR MOUTH.

-YOU CONSIDER YOUR LICENSE PLATE PERSONALIZED 'CAUSE YOUR DAD MADE IT.

-YOU'VE EVER HAD TO HAUL A CAN OF PAINT TO THE TOP OF A WATER TOWER TO DEFEND YOUR SISTER'S HONOR.

-YOU EVER WORE A TUBE TOP TO A WEDDING.

-YOU'VE EVER DRIVEN A CAMARO INTO THE TOP OF A TREE.

-A MAN ASKS YOU TO DANCE AND YOU JUMP ON A TABLE AND TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF.