How To Be Annoying
 


Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist 
to others that you "like it that way".

Drum on every available surface.

Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

Staple papers in the middle of the page.

Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.

Hide anti-theft detector strips in people's backpacks, wallets, etc.

Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

Set alarms for random times.

Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public 
consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."

Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.

Order a side of pork rinds with your vegetarian entree.

Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

Honk and wave to strangers.

Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.

Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental 
movies.

Talk to people in the same tone of voice that you use to talk to our
pet.

Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary 
mints by the cash register.

Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

Pay for your dinner with pennies.

Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

Blow spit bubbles while making repetative noises. 

Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's
roadmaps.

Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/OJ 
Simpson conspiracy theories.

Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" 
"What?"  "Never mind, it's gone now."

Light road flares on a birthday cake.

Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until 
physically restrained.

Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".

As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read

Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.

Fart in an elevator and then ask the other riders if they smell
something 
burning.

Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on your throat.  When 
nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.

At nicer restaraunts ask if they have any Chablis (pronounced
cha-bliss). 
       

Name your dog "Dog".

Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOUthink."

Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back
in 
the tray.

Cultivate a Norwegian accent.  If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.

Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a 
"real hoot".

Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you 
don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a 
can of Lysol.

Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in coworkers' brains,
such 
as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song. 
(equally annoying-the theme to Jesus ChristSuperstar!)

While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

Stick your finger in  someones food  while asking "You Gonna Eat This?"

Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

Change your name to Joan Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first
in 
the phone book.  Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people 
pronounce each A.

Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if 
they slow down.

Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

Wear a LOT of cologne.

Steal all of the toilet paper from public bathrooms. 

Remove every roll of toilet paper from a public restroom, dunk it in the 
toilet, and replace it.

Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is 
necessary because of your "superior mental processing".

Sing along at the opera.

Talk incessantly and in great detail about your diarrhea.

Mow your lawn with scissors.

Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".

Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".
 

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