Alcohol Warning Labels

The FDA has decided to place new improved warning labels on beer. Here are some they are thinking about:

14. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

13. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.

12.WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

11.WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

10.WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.

8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers.

7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can' t remember).

6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Chuck.

4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

2.WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuem, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally dissapear.

1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.